I was participating in a manifesting goals group about a month ago when my friend John turned to me and said, “Sometimes you need to let go of something that you’re good at in order to do something great.” My first reaction was a feeling of disbelief that I would need to stop doing the good work I do in order to manifest new frontiers. And then I slept…
When I woke up the next morning, I was going about my usual business of getting ready for the day. Avoiding all mirrors as to not remind myself of those 7 winter pounds I have packed on and taking moments to be present with the sunlight streaming through my windows versus berating myself for those things I didn’t have time to accomplish yesterday. As I was driving into work (I get my best thinking done in the car) it hit me like a good pillow fight. All the things I either am or have been REALLY GOOD at that don’t serve me. I had the epiphany that we all have something in our lives…an attitude or action that we participate in over and over that erodes our magnificence.
Of course it is human nature to be able to see these actions in other people easier than ourselves, but giving ourselves an honest moment for self-reflection is a great starting point.
I have never met a woman who didn’t look in the mirror and point out her flaws…or a man for that matter. I know parents who enable their adult children to the detriment of their own financial future. I know people who live in constant pain and suffering or who are repetitively sick. People who over eat, under eat, or over drink to escape their pain and people who lash out in anger to protect themselves from feelings of hurt and fear. I know control freaks that exhaust themselves in order to maintain a perception of unattainable certainty in their lives and I know people who indulge themselves in pity for the support of the people around them.
And then there is the all-encompassing feeling of Shame that we all share in. The feeling of not being good enough based on the standards of others.
Brene Brown describes shame as: “ universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience….(it is) the fear of disconnection – it’s the fear that something we have done or failed to do, an ideal that we have not lived up to, or a goal that we have not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection.”
Our successes in life begin with how we see and feel about ourselves. Our success also is dependent on the language we choose to use when speaking to others and ourselves. Our effectiveness in our lives depends on the measure of truth that we allow ourselves to experience (truth about ourselves!) and the amount of empathy and self compassion that we can give ourselves in the midst of our truths.
So I have to ask:
- What does it take for you to explore your own habits and allow yourself the freedom to change them
- What could life look like if you create more space within yourself to invite new ways of being
- How would your life change if you choose to let go of self deprecating thoughts and actions
- What do you want to believe about yourself
- How can changing your perception about yourself change your relationships, life, job
- How do you know what you believe about yourself? Who told you?
- Are your beliefs about yourself congruent with your values and view of the world or did you adopt them from some learned behavior from another source
- Which ones are no longer useful?
- Which ones do you want to keep
- What coping skills are you still using in your life? Coping skills learned from childhood that no longer are relevant to your adulthood?
- What are you willing to let go of to create more space in your life in order to invite in new energy and experience?
So for today, I write down my list of everything I am grateful for. I stay present and check in (versus checking out) when I feel uncomfortable. I commit myself to the courage to grow, listen, and learn and let go of my habits that are no longer resourceful. Even if just for today, it means looking in the mirror and practicing appreciation versus self-criticism. Changing my own language from “my thighs are fat” to “ my thighs are strong, I can rely on them each day to carry me through life.”
I challenge you to start! Take a self-inventory. Put the unnecessary, unresourceful, and habitual patterns of behavior that you are GOOD at, but no longer serve you, in a garbage bag and drop it in a dumpster.
Tap the energy to do so from the anticipation of what will happen differently today that will bring the shine back into life and allow you to be the best that you can be. Just for today…
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